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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Lady Gaga & Lauper Fight AIDS

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Healthy Relationships Signs and Flags

Signs that it’s time to end a relationship…

  • You have a feeling of continuous frustration about the relationship (E.g., your emotional needs are not being met)

  • You’re finding more reasons to spend time apart

  • You’re being physically abused

  • You’re being emotionally abused

  • You no longer have strong feelings about your partner but reminisce about the feelings you used to have

  • You’ve changed your core values, beliefs and goals to accommodate your partner in hopes that your relationship will no longer be problematic

  • You’ve made drastic changes in your appearance hoping your partner will find you more attractive

  • You have a growing feeling of emptiness

  • You’ve put extreme distance or totally cut off former close relationships you used to have with your other friends and/or family


Relationships should add to your quality of life

—not subtract from it.



A Healthy Relationship includes...

KINDNESS
Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION
Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

LAUGHTER AND FUN
Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART
Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION
All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

LETTING GO OF ANGER
If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.

TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER
Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING
Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?SEXUALITYIs your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELFDo you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com/ or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Top Ways for Students to Stay Organized

Clean Out Your School Folder and get rid of papers you no longer need. Having all of those extra papers that you got back a month ago in your folder will make it heavy. It may bend and tear. But worst of all, you won't be able to find papers when you need them. Clean out the folders you do use, put all graded work that you cleaned out in an extra folder or binder, keep it under your bed or in your closet.

Get a planner. Planners are very helpful. Hamline offers them for free. Check with the front student center front desk. Or buy one or make your own. Go through all your syllabi for each class. Write down homework due dates, tests, club meeting dates, anything that you need to know or anything you may forget.

Put papers in folders. This may seem obvious, but put any papers you need to keep in its subject folder. Don't let loose papers mangle about. Take those extra seconds and put them in a folder.

If you have an important paper that you don't want ruined, try getting a some page protectors. Another good thing to get to be organized is an accordion folder. Accordion folders are the folders that expand and have many places for different kinds of paper.

Focus on your work. When you get to class, don't goof off with friends. Write down your Homework in your planner and begin any assignments. If you have no assignments needed, then wait patiently for class to begin. Simply, when you're in class, be in class.

At your house, dorm, or apartment, designate a spot for school. Have a desk with paper, pencils, pens and other school supplies in your room or in a place where it is quiet. This is for your Homework and projects. All supplies should be kept here.

When you know something is due in say, 2 weeks, get your supplies as soon as possible. When you get your supplies, draft out what you will be doing with your project. Work on it a little each day. Do not wait until the last minute to begin your project. The night before the project is due, look over it. See if you have missed any important steps. Put what is due in a small pile next to your backpack.

Do Homework as soon as you get it. Do it that same night before your favourite program comes on TV. If you don't I can guarentee you will be doing it the night before or you won't do it all and then get in trouble with the teacher. Doing homework the day you get it is also helpful in that the subject matter is still fresh in your mind. You may find that if the subject is still fresh, it may take you less time to have it finished as your mind is still tuned into those neural networks and you can quickly remember answers or concepts that were just presented in class that day. By the next day it may take you 10-15 mintues to get your mind focused back on the subject.

Clean Up Virtually. Not ready to tidy up your home or office? Start with your e-clutter. An e-mail inbox full of old, unread messages can stress you out and keep you from getting to more pressing tasks. Go through your messages and take care of each one as you go, resisting the temptation to merely read through each one and put it on your mental to-do list before clicking through to the next one.

More Tips:

  • Neat doesn't always mean new. Your old pencil writes just as well as the next guy's.
  • Instead of stashing every finished worksheet that isn't nailed down in your folder like your teacher tells you, keep a "done" binder and a hole punch at home. Use it for papers you might need or not sure you're really done with.
  • Don't expect to become organized over night. It takes time. Try to just make one class perfect and then when you get the hang of it you will eventually do the same with all your other classes.
  • Seek a balance. College life is a mixture of social and academic happenings. Don't tip the balance too far in either direction. One of my favorite former students always used to say her motto was to "study hard so she could play hard."