Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Signs that it’s time to end a relationship…
- You have a feeling of continuous frustration about the relationship (E.g., your emotional needs are not being met)
- You’re finding more reasons to spend time apart
- You’re being physically abused
- You’re being emotionally abused
- You no longer have strong feelings about your partner but reminisce about the feelings you used to have
- You’ve changed your core values, beliefs and goals to accommodate your partner in hopes that your relationship will no longer be problematic
- You’ve made drastic changes in your appearance hoping your partner will find you more attractive
- You have a growing feeling of emptiness
- You’ve put extreme distance or totally cut off former close relationships you used to have with your other friends and/or family
Relationships should add to your quality of life
—not subtract from it.
A Healthy Relationship includes...
Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.
SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION
Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.
LAUGHTER AND FUN
Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.
ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART
Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.
A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION
All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?
LETTING GO OF ANGER
If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.
TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER
Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.
LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING
Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?SEXUALITYIs your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELFDo you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com/ or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org. Phone sessions available.
Clean Out Your School Folder and get rid of papers you no longer need. Having all of those extra papers that you got back a month ago in your folder will make it heavy. It may bend and tear. But worst of all, you won't be able to find papers when you need them. Clean out the folders you do use, put all graded work that you cleaned out in an extra folder or binder, keep it under your bed or in your closet.
Get a planner. Planners are very helpful. Hamline offers them for free. Check with the front student center front desk. Or buy one or make your own. Go through all your syllabi for each class. Write down homework due dates, tests, club meeting dates, anything that you need to know or anything you may forget.
Put papers in folders. This may seem obvious, but put any papers you need to keep in its subject folder. Don't let loose papers mangle about. Take those extra seconds and put them in a folder.
If you have an important paper that you don't want ruined, try getting a some page protectors. Another good thing to get to be organized is an accordion folder. Accordion folders are the folders that expand and have many places for different kinds of paper.
Focus on your work. When you get to class, don't goof off with friends. Write down your Homework in your planner and begin any assignments. If you have no assignments needed, then wait patiently for class to begin. Simply, when you're in class, be in class.
At your house, dorm, or apartment, designate a spot for school. Have a desk with paper, pencils, pens and other school supplies in your room or in a place where it is quiet. This is for your Homework and projects. All supplies should be kept here.
When you know something is due in say, 2 weeks, get your supplies as soon as possible. When you get your supplies, draft out what you will be doing with your project. Work on it a little each day. Do not wait until the last minute to begin your project. The night before the project is due, look over it. See if you have missed any important steps. Put what is due in a small pile next to your backpack.
Do Homework as soon as you get it. Do it that same night before your favourite program comes on TV. If you don't I can guarentee you will be doing it the night before or you won't do it all and then get in trouble with the teacher. Doing homework the day you get it is also helpful in that the subject matter is still fresh in your mind. You may find that if the subject is still fresh, it may take you less time to have it finished as your mind is still tuned into those neural networks and you can quickly remember answers or concepts that were just presented in class that day. By the next day it may take you 10-15 mintues to get your mind focused back on the subject.
Clean Up Virtually. Not ready to tidy up your home or office? Start with your e-clutter. An e-mail inbox full of old, unread messages can stress you out and keep you from getting to more pressing tasks. Go through your messages and take care of each one as you go, resisting the temptation to merely read through each one and put it on your mental to-do list before clicking through to the next one.
- Neat doesn't always mean new. Your old pencil writes just as well as the next guy's.
- Instead of stashing every finished worksheet that isn't nailed down in your folder like your teacher tells you, keep a "done" binder and a hole punch at home. Use it for papers you might need or not sure you're really done with.
- Don't expect to become organized over night. It takes time. Try to just make one class perfect and then when you get the hang of it you will eventually do the same with all your other classes.
- Seek a balance. College life is a mixture of social and academic happenings. Don't tip the balance too far in either direction. One of my favorite former students always used to say her motto was to "study hard so she could play hard."
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Breathe Deeply – Inhale deeply through your nose. Pull the air all the way down, deep into the lungs. Hold the breath for a count of six. Exhale slowly through the mouth to the count of six. Do this for several minutes. Be careful not to hyperventilate. If dizzy or light-headedness occur, begin breathing naturally.
Express Feelings and Thoughts - Call a friend. Join a group. Join a community on the Internet. If you feel these avenues are not helping talk to your doctor, seek out a counselor. Use all resources after through work, church and community. If seeing a counselor is something you’re fearful of, consider getting a pet. Pets listen very well.
Make Time for Relaxation and Fun – Find an activity that makes you feel good. It may be dancing, listening to music, walking along the beach, prayer, hiking in the mountains, working in the garden, taking photographs, watching birds, going to the movies, golfing, swimming, visiting museums. Make a list of activities that give you joy. Break them down into time segments of 2-5 minutes, 5-20 minutes, 30 minutes to ½ day and ½ day or longer. List the activities that give you joy under these time segments. Do at least three of them everyday. Most people think they have to do big things, such as vacations of whole days away from work or home to relieve stress. Not so, small activities that give you joy are the best stress busters.
Exercise - Try something new, like swimming. Begin a walking program. Do some form of exercise that interests you. Make sure to consult your physician beforehand.
Laugh - Laughter is a great way to relieve stress. If you find something funny, have a good belly laugh. Watch funny movies. Read funny stories.
Learn Happy Talk - Humor your stress. Go to www.stressed.com for a class in happy talk.
Get Rid of Negative - Take a hard look at the circle or environment you’re standing in. People who are negative and prone to “moods” spread negativity to others. Learn to say no to negativity and remove yourself from it whenever possible.
Write – Write out your complaints or troubles. Writing is no substitute for professional help but it does allow you to vent your feelings and frustrations. By writing with pen in hand or at the keyboard, you may discover an insight or solution to whatever is frustrating or bothering you.
Get A Massage – Make an investment in yourself. Massage therapy can relax muscles, easy muscle spasm, increase blood flow to skin and muscles and relieve mental and emotional stress. A massage will be one of the best investments you’ve ever made.
Be Realistic in Expectations– Don’t expect everyone to be like you or behave to your code of “shoulds and oughts”. Don’t expect to be right all the time. Don’t expect harmony all the time. Real life has conflicts in it. Be willing to confront conflict, state your needs then work at coming to a mutual compromise.
Examine your expectations of yourself - When you can’t live up to them, they will cause stress, tension and pressure. Learn to say no when unrealistic demands are placed upon you. Communicate what you can do and what you can’t do clearly. Be honest with yourself on the expectations (goals) you place on yourself. Don’t let ego and social pressure force you into being/doing something your not.
Monitor Your Communication Skills – Aggressive and hostile communication with others antagonizes and alienates. Assertive training can help you learn to express your needs without offending others or feeling ignored.
You can only change yourself - Work to grasp the full meaning of this statement. Trying to change another person causes stress to both parties. It can ruin relationships, damage relationships and cause others to withdraw from you. If you make statements such as – if only he, if only she, if only they – then you need to look in the mirror and say, what can I change about myself to make the situation better.
Accept - If you can’t leave a situation that is causing you extreme stress then accept it as it is. Adjust your approach to it. Look for ways to see positive things. Do not dwell on the negative. Above all, if the situation is abusive, either physically or emotionally (this includes work situations also) seek professional help through counseling.
Stress will not suddenly disappear in modern day life. It will remain even increase. To reduce and manage stress takes a commitment to do so. Make a commitment to practice or do anyone of the following tips and chances are stress levels will begin to fall to a range where it is manageable and causes no long-term damage to health or relationships.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.
Sorin Mall Lawn
Free Sex Ed. -Prizes- Games -Food- Free Protection-
$10 "Don't Be A Dick T-Shirts"
-These are only sold at our events, so don't miss it.-
Posted by Hamline University Peer Education at 11:56 AM
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
and children currently
need life-saving organ transplants.
Every 12 minutes another name is added to
the national organ transplant waiting list.
90% of Americans say they support
donation, but only 30% know
the essential steps to take to be a donor.
What is it?
Donor organs and tissues are removed surgically, and the donor’s body is closed, as in any surgery. There are no outward signs of organ donation and open casket funerals are still possible.
How do I become an organ and tissue donor?
Marking your intentions on your driver's license or state ID card will ensure that your wishes are fulfilled. In Minnesota, residents can also register online by visiting www.DonateLifeMN.org. Also, make sure your family knows your wishes.
Myth No. 1.
If I agree to donate my organs, my doctor or the emergency room staff won't work as hard to save my life. They'll remove my organs as soon as possible to save somebody else.
Reality. When you go to the hospital for treatment, doctors focus on saving your life — not somebody else's. You'll be seen by a doctor whose specialty most closely matches your particular emergency. The doctor in charge of your care has nothing to do with transplantation.
Myth No. 7.
I'm not in the greatest health, and my eyesight is poor. Nobody would want my organs or tissues.
Reality. Very few medical conditions automatically disqualify you from donating organs. The decision to use an organ is based on strict medical criteria. It may turn out that certain organs are not suitable for transplantation, but other organs and tissues may be fine. Don't disqualify yourself prematurely. Only medical professionals at the time of your death can determine whether your organs are suitable for transplantation.
Myth No. 9.
Rich, famous and powerful people always seem to move to the front of the line when they need a donor organ. There's no way to ensure that my organs will go to those who've waited the longest or are the neediest.
Reality. The rich and famous aren't given priority when it comes to allocating organs. It may seem that way because of the amount of publicity generated when celebrities receive a transplant, but they are treated no differently from anyone else. In fact, the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS), the organization responsible for maintaining the national organ transplant network, subjects all celebrity transplants to an internal audit to make sure the organ allocation was appropriate.
These myths and more information can be found at the Mayo Clinic.
Posted by Hamline University Peer Education at 1:17 PM
Friday, April 3, 2009
Ah yes, STDs. Remember those? Those little issues that are said to infiltrate your privates and grow puss. Yeah those things. Guess what? Well most of them don't puss, they are extremely harmful to your health and the health of people besides you- the people you spread it to...know what's even more extreme? Only 10% of people who have an STD, are aware of it. That means 90% of people have no idea they are carrying around a desease.
There are nearly 19 million new cases of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) in the U.S. each year. About half are among 15-24 year olds.
Think about it...Most of us wont eat the food we drop on the floor, yet we may not think twice about the penis, tongue or finger we're about to put in our mouth-or other bodily opening. Food it's gross, our body parts are not gross...but we don't know where they have been. Yet even if its our own food, that we dropped- just for a second- most of us do not choose to pick it up and put it in our mouth...but we choose to accept other body parts into our...whatever(s).
If you've put someone else's body part in your orpheus, get checked. You don't know where it's been. So get checked, click here. It's Family Tree Clinic's Link, they are close and have recently been teaming up with Hamline to support the student (us) in sexual health. They are just waiting...they want to keep us safe. How much easier can it be? Yes, it is...if you do not have a car, Counseling and Health Services will pay for your ride to the bus, or get a cab, to Family Tree. There are people on this campus just waiting to help you get checked, and will be more than excited to assist you! Here they are- click.